What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
11.06.2025 07:55
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Ive learnt so much.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
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Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I was very sick at this time too.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
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Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
What are some funny stories of people calling 911 for non-emergencies?
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
All the time i was locked up.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Why do narcissists devour so much sugar (candy, ice cream, donuts, etc., in huge amounts at a time)?
She found it foreign!.
We all went to grammer schools
Especially a lifetime of it.
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Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
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They are buried together, in the same grave..
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
What thing happened to you as a child that you haven’t let go of to this day?
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
We were not on the streets..
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Do you believe that Jesus was God on Earth?
What did i know ?
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
She wouldn,t have been !
She loved him until the end.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Why did i forgive my father ?
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I couldn’t, believe it.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
But ive been too sick for many years..
I was scared of men, in general
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Was to survive, this bastard.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
And i lived it daily.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
It was going to be , some day.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I write beautiful poetry .
As i do to all so called friends.?
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
But, we were locked up after school.
When she asked me how she looked .
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I could never make a relationship work though!
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I waited trembling.
I was 9 years of age.
I said to her
Where the ultimate outsiders.
(And it was in our own minds.)
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
I did it because my mum asked me too!
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
So whats the point in blame.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
My life is so biszare .
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
I will be 64.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Who then, do I blame.?
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I have no regrets .
He knew the spot.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Would this be the day?
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
I had hoped to write a book about this .
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
One cannot live in the past .
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Comes on , in middle age.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
I think the readers, may guess!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
My family never makes their pension either.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Put me off passion for life!!
I don,t even have a pension.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
But it wasn’t much.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
She was in good health!
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I was seconnd youngest,
I never cut or harmed myself..
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Im still living with it.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
This is soul school!.
So, i spoilt her more .
She married twice! .
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
He resisted the act ,that day.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.